Jingle Balls by Andie M Long
Ball Games #5
The Turner family and friends return!
Cam steals mum Dora’s favourite date, announcing she’s holding a joint Christmas Day/Engagement Party with a buffet and no tree. Beth and Leo secretly plot to propose to each other during dessert. Brother Tyler intends to Vlog the event for his channel but is annoyed he has to share his birthday once again with Christmas.
That’s the plan. But Dora is manipulating everyone and causing chaos via an Elf on the Shelf. It just so happens that this Christmas someone is getting an extra present, one that won’t be unwrapped until Summer 2017. But with Cam declaring a Christmas Pudding free zone, who’s got a bun in the oven?
I corner Tyler back at the folks’ house. “What’s with that bag, fuckwit?”
“Takes one to know one,” he sing-songs back.
“I,” he says commandingly, “have single-handedly discovered the secret to winning round women.”
I splutter with laughter. I’m laughing so hard I clutch my waist, and my cheeks ache. “You? Know women? I don’t even know how you kept Lindsay.”
“It’s all on here,” he says, swiping his phone and showing me his YouTube channel. His previous channel housed videos of him playing computer games and was watched by a total of about two hundred viewers. This one, named A Beginners Guide to Women has twenty-five thousand subscribers. I snatch his phone and press play on his most-watched video. I’m staggered. It has over three hundred and fifty thousand views.
Tyler appears on screen with his bag. “I’ve discovered the major secret in keeping your woman happy,” he says, “and it starts right here. The bag of happiness.”
Inside he reveals a box of chocolates, a packet of tissues, a fiction romance book. “This is the start of it. You need to buy their favourite chocolates, a book they’ll like to read, tissues if they’re weepy. A girly DVD. I would show you that, but I needed it last night. It got me out of a major telling off. I reached into the bag and asked if she wanted to watch The Notebook. Problem solved, and I got a reward after, if you know what I mean?” He winks at the camera.
“I gather Lindsay doesn’t know about this, given that you’re still alive?”
“Course not. It’s going so well, Cam. I’m being offered sponsorship and affiliate deals. I probably won’t need to work at Smiths much longer. The fact I was hopeless with women and now I’m successful with one, has meant other blokes identify with me. They want me to write a book but how can I? Lindsay would see it.”
“It was nice knowing you, bruv. What sort of casket would you like, because you obviously have a death wish?” The views on the video have are now over four hundred thousand. “Ty, I don’t know who shared this, but it’s going viral.
About The Author
Andie M. Long is the author of The Alphabet Game series, Underneath and Quickies. When not writing she can usually be found time wasting on social media. If you ever see her doing housework, step away. It means she’s stressed! Prepare to meet the Turner Family in the Ball Games series in 2016 plus other works in progress.
Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/andiemlongwriter
Newsletter – http://eepurl.com/-mm-9
Twitter – https://twitter.com/andiemichelle